Arbitrary Thoughts

Your Smile

And in those rare instances when we spoke, when I tried to maintain my equilibrium, my thoughts, when I tried to remain calm on the inside, it would all work. But then you would smile- mischievously and the corners of your eyes and your mouth would form soft crinkles, it would be like light radiating at the end of the tunnel. I would indulge myself in it, without knowing and I knew how that one action of yours was enough to capture a thousand hearts, even if you didn’t want to. It was infectious, almost like a disease, but a good one. I was unsure of how far our un-begun story would go, but when you smiled at me, it was like love knocking at the doors of my heart.  

Do you ever wonder?

Two hours have passed since I had my dinner and while I was eating I started thinking about the decisions I made in my life which impacted my present moments in some or the other way. The choices we make as humans in our lives are so crucial and we often do not realize it. It made me wonder how different our lives could have been if we would have done certain things in our past differently. Decisions specifically we regret making or possibly not making. Perhaps if we spoke a bit louder so that the other person could hear us under our breath. If we would have forgiven that person instead of jeopardizing our years of paramount relationship/friendship. If we confessed our love for that special someone. If we had quit that bad habit years back. If we had gone to that party. If we would have published our story. If we would have finished that last chapter which we never did. If we didn’t give up and kept striving for that one thing that we wanted to reach. If we would not have turned down that job interview just because the job was not interesting enough. If we would have ignored our anger and answered that phone call. If we would have started a conversation with that person sitting across in the dimly lit coffee shop. If we wouldn’t have walked out of that door that one evening. If we would have booked those affordable flight tickets and embarked on a life-changing journey. If we just would have woken up a bit early to see the sunrise with him/her.  If we would put our lives and our thoughts and feelings first instead of others or maybe if we would have understood life from their shoes before things fell apart like a deck of cards. A lot of things could be different now. They could be on a whole different level and maybe we wouldn’t be having long nights of regrets, unending repentance and “what ifs” after our unfulfilling dinners within our closed spaces.

So do you ever wonder how things could have been so unbelievably different?