If there was a parallel universe somewhere out there. A place where we could be possibly be together- I would cherish every inch of your body and every atom of your soul. I would wait for you under the scorching heat, under the pouring rain, in the depths of darkness- I would wait for you because I know that once you would be in the embrace of my arms, everything would make sense and everything would be okay. We would listen to the soft music that you love while sharing a cup of coffee. And every ticking minute that would pass by, I would feel closer and closer to heaven. And if you’d ask me why I enjoyed every single second with you so much and why I couldn’t live without you, I’d have no logical explanation. It would be the safety and the simplicity that I saw in your eyes, how falling into your arms felt like ascending to a greater place- to paradise. When you sat next to me- so close, I could see our skin wrinkling away together and how I would hold your hand through the all the changes that we would go through. You would tell me how you didn’t even have to try and just how a river flows effortlessly, you trickled down into my soul and how you would say that you’d never imagine that breathing underwater would feel so great. In a universe far away, where there were raging wars and bloodshed and complicated thoughts, we would be dancing at 2 am in our little house together. If there was a parallel universe, our souls would be the only things colliding into each other. We wouldn’t have to parade around and let the world know or shower each other with roses. We would only be in each other’s’ thoughts and that would be enough for us to believe. No fight would be strong enough to break us apart. No differences would be enough to make either of us feel left out. No silence between us would make us feel empty or hollow. No falling flower would make us feel like time is running out. No darkness would make us feel devoid of light. For, we’d be each other’s sunlight seeping through the soft cracks of the leaves that would form in the sky. No winter would be cold enough. Your hand, even though it is slightly bigger than mine, it would fit. Your eye colour is blue and mine is brown and somehow those two colours don’t go together but when we would look into each other’s eyes, they’d complement each other under the shimmering sunlight. No secret would be big enough to hide from each other, because faith would be the only powerful thing in this world. In this world, our hearts would be the only things racing fast while time outside with the wind would slow down and become soft, only so that we could savour every given moment with other.
Of everything I know about the existence of multiverses and the cosmos, if there was a parallel universe somewhere out there, a reality where there would be nothing holding us back from each other, where everything was pure and safe and sweet- I’d love you just the same.
People often ask me, how I knew that I was in love. Even though you never held my hand or caressed my neck nor whisper honeyed words into my ears.
I still knew.
I still knew that it was you.
I told them that it was the littlest things that would suffice. When you would walk into the room and you would smile at your friends and then look around to catch my eye and warmth would emanate through the dust particles between us, only to make everything more pure. The way the sound of your laugh was more than just a laugh and a sweet melody like Mozart to my ears. How your smile was my secret hiding place on days when I felt the weight of my own thoughts on my shoulders. How our little conversations were the music that put me to sleep and how they were the first remembrances in my mind at 7 AM when I woke. That’s when I contemplated as to why people phrase it “falling in love” because you were a manifestation that I rose to every single day. But that part comes later, because only if I knew. Only if I had payed enough attention to the red traffic signal instead of getting consumed in the joys of the green one. If only I would have shut the windows a bit tighter to prevent the rain from seeping through, onto my wooden floors, turning them a darker shade. If only I would have blown out the candle a bit earlier.
But those few moments with you were bountiful and full of life- endless exuberant sunlit days of a young girl, of a one-sided kind of love. The rush of adrenaline by just thinking of you. The unforced and natural smile on my face and the irregular thudding of my heart against my cage. If it wasn’t for all these, then would true love be? I used to think that maybe one day, I would wake up and see your face next to mine, how your caramel hair tousled callously around your temples. How I would know how you like your coffee on Sunday mornings and how we would bicker about the most foolish things, only to come apologizing on each other’s doors in the evening. Ever wondered if “maybes” just remain “maybes” or turn out to be “never”?
I was unsure as to what possibly went wrong. What shift had taken place in the cosmos, where was the faultline under my earth, that I had to reassemble myself from the doom of unrequited love. And that’s when I realized why they call it “falling in love”. It’s a sudden dive into the depths of the oceans where nothing but your feelings and affection matter. Everything else becomes unimportant and secondary. You lose grasp of your own belongings and your own-self whilst in search of the rare pearl.
And how foolish was I and still am to let those memories of you make my bones warm on a winter’s day.
And in those rare instances when we spoke, when I tried to maintain my equilibrium, my thoughts, when I tried to remain calm on the inside, it would all work. But then you would smile- mischievously and the corners of your eyes and your mouth would form soft crinkles, it would be like light radiating at the end of the tunnel. I would indulge myself in it, without knowing and I knew how that one action of yours was enough to capture a thousand hearts, even if you didn’t want to. It was infectious, almost like a disease, but a good one. I was unsure of how far our un-begun story would go, but when you smiled at me, it was like love knocking at the doors of my heart.
For the first time I gazed into your eyes for a brief moment, all my fears of what remained in the dark depths disappeared. Your eyes reminded me of hot coffee grains in white milk. And when I glanced at you, your eyes would calm the tempest and when you would look at me and our eyes would lock into each others for a short while, all my secrets would become are.
I would dive into depths of the unknown, just trusting you by looking into you, because as you smiled and the corners of your eyes would crinkle and form lines and your pupils would sparkle like stars clustered into a circle, I knew that there was no other place more heavenly for me to be.
One moment of falling for you became infinite moments of my rebirth and admiring you from afar. Just noticing you from a distance made me value the little moments of existence that I was given. I cherished time and I cherished you in my time. More than the physical space that your body occupied, your presence and your energy could put back the dainty fallen petals of a flower together. But you are more than a passionate flower and fiercer than any rose. You are so many elements in yourself. You are charged like neon. You are like the stars, the sun, the water, the mountains and the fire all at the same time. Your beauty is boundless. It stretched and tugged at the deepest core of my heart. If we were two forbidden lovers, then you would bleed temptation and I would bleed desire.
But for now, I’ve been the privilege to admire your beauty from afar, through gazes and brief stares. And I’m thankful, because you tug at the passion in me and me write poetry, make me appreciate life.
Note: I thought of starting this little series called ‘Falling For You’. This series will include little paragraphs about falling for someone- the process, little moments of imagination, hope, excitement and everything else that lasts in the whole experience of it. I hope you enjoy this little series and are able to relate with it.