personal

Heaven Is Collapsing

Heaven is collapsing in my mind

As I wait for the pain 

to subside.

Heaven is collapsing in my mind

As I count to three and you

say goodbye. 

Heaven is collapsing in my mind

Because I’m living a lie

and so I wake up every night. 

Heaven is collapsing in my mind

as my art becomes my catharsis

and all my faults aline. 

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Life Is Not Easy

Life is not easy when

she cries at night and smiles

in the morning.

Life is not easy when

people fail her and yet

she still has to fight for them. 

Life is not easy when

the thought of her being content 

becomes a wild thought for others. 

Life is not easy when

her own people look down on her

because of all the things she loves. 

Life is not easy when

her will to live is dampened 

just by hurtful words. 

Life is not easy when

people tell her that she’s a burden and yet

they can’t live without her. 

I Try To Forget You, Anyway

I try and line myself on the edge of my bed 

to keep your thoughts at bay, but you

make an appearance in my dreams anyway. 

I try to pack up your thoughts in my jewelry box

but I want to wear my favorite earrings anyway, everyday. 

I try to convince myself that I love winter, but you are my sun

and it rose every morning anyway. I did everything I could

to forget you, but the outline of your lips resembled the petals

of the flowers that I held and kissed everyday. 

***

Some thoughts, you just can’t push them away. 

The Flower I Never Bloomed Into

You wanted me to be one of those flowers-

bursting with exuberance and

dripping bright colors.

Pink, red or maybe yellow?

The flower that was there in every bouquet,

the one always plucked first,

the one found in gardens of houses

with pretty facades.

But I grew into a flower-

quiet and unwashed.

Growing along with the creepers

on the desolate and dilapidated frontiers.

Observing from a shy distance,

the untrue faculties of the world.

My words in a masquerade of  silence and fear.

But you never seek to appreciate, respect or understand 

my beauty. 

But how unfair,

for beauty is bestowed in every soul

and so we are told

but rarely heed. 

Your Eyes

For the first time I gazed into your eyes for a brief moment, all my fears of what remained in the dark depths disappeared. Your eyes reminded me of hot coffee grains in white milk. And when I glanced at you, your eyes would calm the tempest and when you would look at me and our eyes would lock into each others for a short while, all my secrets would become are. 

I would dive into depths of the unknown, just trusting you by looking into you, because as you smiled and the corners of your eyes would crinkle and form lines and your pupils would sparkle like stars clustered into a circle, I knew that there was no other place more heavenly for me to be. 

Falling For You: Admiring You From Afar

One moment of falling for you became infinite moments of my rebirth and admiring you from afar. Just noticing you from a distance made me value the little moments of existence that I was given. I cherished time and I cherished you in my time. More than the physical space that your body occupied, your presence and your energy could put back the dainty fallen petals of a flower together. But you are more than a passionate flower and fiercer than any rose. You are so many elements in yourself. You are charged like neon. You are like the stars, the sun, the water, the mountains and the fire all at the same time. Your beauty is boundless. It stretched and tugged at the deepest core of my heart. If we were two forbidden lovers, then you would bleed temptation and I would bleed desire. 

But for now, I’ve been the privilege to admire your beauty from afar, through gazes and brief stares. And I’m thankful, because you tug at the passion in me and me write poetry, make me appreciate life. 

***

Note: I thought of starting this little series called ‘Falling For You’. This series will include little paragraphs about falling for someone- the process, little moments of imagination, hope, excitement and everything else that lasts in the whole experience of it. I hope you enjoy this little series and are able to relate with it.

-Ree

In All The Wrong Places

I tried to find happiness

in my morning coffee

in the rising sun’s hues

in my dearest poet’s muse

in my sauntering steps in the balcony. 

I tried to find comfort

in our momentary meaningful conversations

in the stares we held across the distance

in the depths of your eyes

in your mellow touches. 

I tried to belong

with the strangers on the different streets

with the music in the coffee shop

and in the lines of John Keats’. 

But I only ended up feeling more hollow and exhausted.

***

Thoughts: Over the past few days I became really restless and I tried to stay occupied and try to reminisce, tried to remember the good times that I had, all stored in my memories and I tried to mingle with people and go out and escape into the facade of the cities and nature but in the end of the day all of the content that I felt was short-lived. No matter how hard I tried, I was never “happy enough”. After a lot of thinking and not thinking at the same time, I realized that happiness and comfort doesn’t come with packages or with some other person in your life, it doesn’t come with pleasing price tags or expensive meals at nice places. Maybe they do, but they don’t last long. Real happiness lies within you and you have the power to unlock that if you really want to. So stop looking at others and stop depending on things that you can hold on to for a short period. Their values don’t last forever.

Rainy Day Dreaming

As the rain pours down on a Thursday morning

She plays her mellow music

And starts swimming in her thoughts,

Running out of breath

Her muscles weaken

And bones become still

Her heart becomes heavy with all the water around her.

No amount of fire could fight.

Finally letting go, the invisible hands pulling her under

Unaware of her own conscience

Guided by the abyss of her thoughts

She kept sinking like a damaged ship, no, but a boat

Going far underneath

Close to solace.

The gleam of the sun leaking through the water

As her arms try to reach the light, but soul goes under

Only to go to a place, promising and better.

-Ree ( 1. 06. 2017)

Our Friendship

Across the oceans and the stars in the sky

that come in between,

our friendship is as strong

as the current of the waves

and just as celestial.

No theories of space or philosophy of life

could explain the bond we create

back when we were in school

and used to sit on different tables

during lunch.

And a few years later,

from a million things that I had to do,

the first thing I did was call you.

Always erasing away the negatives in each others’ lives.

Whether we were on streets surrounded by strangers

or just us in your old house;

we’re always the same

laughing at the lame tragedies of our lives.

Listening to each others’ hysterical cries.

And as with every midnight a new day started,

you were there always and on the days

when I questioned my existence

you made me realize my importance.

And every minute I’m thankful to God, to fate

and to every other power

that I have been blessed with a friend like you.

Do you ever wonder?

Two hours have passed since I had my dinner and while I was eating I started thinking about the decisions I made in my life which impacted my present moments in some or the other way. The choices we make as humans in our lives are so crucial and we often do not realize it. It made me wonder how different our lives could have been if we would have done certain things in our past differently. Decisions specifically we regret making or possibly not making. Perhaps if we spoke a bit louder so that the other person could hear us under our breath. If we would have forgiven that person instead of jeopardizing our years of paramount relationship/friendship. If we confessed our love for that special someone. If we had quit that bad habit years back. If we had gone to that party. If we would have published our story. If we would have finished that last chapter which we never did. If we didn’t give up and kept striving for that one thing that we wanted to reach. If we would not have turned down that job interview just because the job was not interesting enough. If we would have ignored our anger and answered that phone call. If we would have started a conversation with that person sitting across in the dimly lit coffee shop. If we wouldn’t have walked out of that door that one evening. If we would have booked those affordable flight tickets and embarked on a life-changing journey. If we just would have woken up a bit early to see the sunrise with him/her.  If we would put our lives and our thoughts and feelings first instead of others or maybe if we would have understood life from their shoes before things fell apart like a deck of cards. A lot of things could be different now. They could be on a whole different level and maybe we wouldn’t be having long nights of regrets, unending repentance and “what ifs” after our unfulfilling dinners within our closed spaces.

So do you ever wonder how things could have been so unbelievably different?