reality

Heaven Is Collapsing

Heaven is collapsing in my mind

As I wait for the pain 

to subside.

Heaven is collapsing in my mind

As I count to three and you

say goodbye. 

Heaven is collapsing in my mind

Because I’m living a lie

and so I wake up every night. 

Heaven is collapsing in my mind

as my art becomes my catharsis

and all my faults aline. 

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I Try To Forget You, Anyway

I try and line myself on the edge of my bed 

to keep your thoughts at bay, but you

make an appearance in my dreams anyway. 

I try to pack up your thoughts in my jewelry box

but I want to wear my favorite earrings anyway, everyday. 

I try to convince myself that I love winter, but you are my sun

and it rose every morning anyway. I did everything I could

to forget you, but the outline of your lips resembled the petals

of the flowers that I held and kissed everyday. 

***

Some thoughts, you just can’t push them away. 

Shimmering Golden On My Bed

I was told that life is hard

We must search for bliss

Mother said “Look at the drooping flowers”

“Their beauty, always amiss.” 

The highs and lows of society

And all the blood that is shed

Mother said “Always maintain sobriety”

“When challenging life gets.”

Although, I never understood a word

That mother had said. For, when I lay 

Awake at dawn, shimmering golden on my bed

I remembered mother’s words “Life is not a bed of roses.”

A quote she had said

But in bliss I found myself, shimmering golden on my bed. 

***

Someone once asked me “What makes you happy? What do you live for?” I said “I live for the littlest things; they are the ones that make me happy. Like the rising sun and the falling rain, when people smile after they fight off their pain.”

In All The Wrong Places

I tried to find happiness

in my morning coffee

in the rising sun’s hues

in my dearest poet’s muse

in my sauntering steps in the balcony. 

I tried to find comfort

in our momentary meaningful conversations

in the stares we held across the distance

in the depths of your eyes

in your mellow touches. 

I tried to belong

with the strangers on the different streets

with the music in the coffee shop

and in the lines of John Keats’. 

But I only ended up feeling more hollow and exhausted.

***

Thoughts: Over the past few days I became really restless and I tried to stay occupied and try to reminisce, tried to remember the good times that I had, all stored in my memories and I tried to mingle with people and go out and escape into the facade of the cities and nature but in the end of the day all of the content that I felt was short-lived. No matter how hard I tried, I was never “happy enough”. After a lot of thinking and not thinking at the same time, I realized that happiness and comfort doesn’t come with packages or with some other person in your life, it doesn’t come with pleasing price tags or expensive meals at nice places. Maybe they do, but they don’t last long. Real happiness lies within you and you have the power to unlock that if you really want to. So stop looking at others and stop depending on things that you can hold on to for a short period. Their values don’t last forever.

Not the normal college life

Back in high school, when I used to think about college, I used to think of how I would finally get all the freedom that I felt deprived of. I used to think about amazing my life would be. I would finally get the chance to build genuine relationships that would last for all the lifetimes to come. But now I cannot stop thinking about how wrong I was.

I thought about how I couldn’t wait to finally stay up all night and go to fun parties and socialise. Little did I know, that the only reason I would stay up night would be because of the monumental amount of assignments that would be due the following week. And little did I know that I would stay awake till 3 am only because of worsening anxiety. I thought that I would make so many amazing friends and build strong relationships and friendships with people, but I never expected for people to turn against me and take advantage of the trust I gave in some people. I thought I would enjoy writing college essays and thesis papers and I would enjoy taking colourful notes during classes (well I did), but I never thought that the same things that I enjoyed and I thought that I would enjoy would turn out to be more exhausting than ever.

I thought I would be independent and do my own thing and enjoy the sanguinity of being alone and having the liberty to make my own decisions. But I never thought that I would ache for company every single day, just for someone to listen to me to rant away. I never thought that I would end up becoming more confused by the night. I thought that people would come and approach me at the cafeteria and make light-hearted conversations and make things better, but I never thought I would have to go and sit on the staircase at the back and eat lunch on my own. Little did I know that this would be comforting at the same time, after all the noise that I would have to hear on the outside. I thought I would make my own meals, exercise every single day and make my health my first priority. But little did I know that I would turn to cigarettes as a mean of brightening up. I never thought that skipping meals would become so habitual.  I thought I wouldn’t miss my family and enjoy my newfound independence. But I never thought that I would become so impatient and restless for every possible break that was there in the semester. I never thought that I would miss my mum’s voice at 7 AM in the morning coming and screaming at me to wake up or else I would be late for class. I never thought I’d miss the companionable fights with my brother that I had at almost every hour of the day. I never thought I would miss my dad giving me advices on meditating and spirituality and talking on and on about what I should do in order to not throw my life away.

Now a lot of you may think that I had a choice, I could make my college life the way I expected it to be. But there are a lot of other things that were out of my hand at that time and it isn’t as easy as it sounds. But I’m happy that I tried, I am and I always will. But I guess, I never led the “normal” college life.

Bougainvillea

Evening walks turned into
dalliance with the fuchsia beauties
Dainty and flimsy, swaying in the wind
A little bit coy, but frolicking with
confidence.

As she walked, grey clouds o’er her
Gloom casted itself
The pleasantness of the pink petals
cheered her with their sanguine nature
And her lips curled into a sly smile.

How can any soul resist?!
The amicable texture
The warmth and passion
In the blushing hues
Tempting all those ’round them.

In bunches the flowers danced
Irresistible to see and touch
The evening light casting a glow
On the petals and through them.
Bougainvillea at their best.

Songs That Changed My Life (& Could Change Yours Too)

There’s no doubt about the fact there is no single human on this earth who is not a lover of music. Music is a universal language for everyone to communicate their thoughts and feelings about something or someone. It is an alluring element and alleviates any pain that we go through. And sometimes it frames our thoughts which we cannot form in our minds. And sometimes, it has the power to change our lives and our perspectives by giving us the different dynamics for a single concept. So here is a list of succinct songs of blended genres that had the power to move me (figuratively):

  1. The Masterplan  – Oasis
  2.  Rhiannon – Fleetwood Mac
  3. Skinny Love – Bon Iver
  4. Graveyard Whistling  – Nothing But Thieves 
  5. Teddy Picker Arctic Monkeys 
  6. Misguided Ghosts – Paramore
  7. Nothing Else Matters – Metallica
  8. Fix You – Coldplay
  9. Wolves Without Teeth – Of Monsters And Men
  10. Send Me An Angel – Scorpions

The list is way longer than just 10 songs but those are the ones that always come to mind first. Do let me know which songs have tugged at your heartstrings and have impacted you the most! (:

The Beauty of Photography

Two years back when I bought my first DSLR camera, I realized that photography is not about having the best camera in the market. It is not about having the best skills in editing photos either.  Of course, the mentioned two things are more important when it comes to the technical sense, but the entire idea of photography is more about the passion that you realize you have when your days pass by and you realize that everything around you is so beautiful.

You start finding beauty in the simplest things and start appreciating the world and your existence increasingly. From the trickle of a raindrop down the window, to the streets lighting up in the evening and the adoring smiles of your loved ones. They are all captured in a frame to remind you that everything that you see is real and all the moments that you captured were once real and they will always be.

If you really like photography, whether you become a professional photographer or not is of the least concern, but indulging in photography as a hobby can really transform your thoughts in such a way, that you will start finding charm and beauty in every little moment.