If there was a parallel universe somewhere out there. A place where we could be possibly be together- I would cherish every inch of your body and every atom of your soul. I would wait for you under the scorching heat, under the pouring rain, in the depths of darkness- I would wait for you because I know that once you would be in the embrace of my arms, everything would make sense and everything would be okay. We would listen to the soft music that you love while sharing a cup of coffee. And every ticking minute that would pass by, I would feel closer and closer to heaven. And if you’d ask me why I enjoyed every single second with you so much and why I couldn’t live without you, I’d have no logical explanation. It would be the safety and the simplicity that I saw in your eyes, how falling into your arms felt like ascending to a greater place- to paradise. When you sat next to me- so close, I could see our skin wrinkling away together and how I would hold your hand through the all the changes that we would go through. You would tell me how you didn’t even have to try and just how a river flows effortlessly, you trickled down into my soul and how you would say that you’d never imagine that breathing underwater would feel so great. In a universe far away, where there were raging wars and bloodshed and complicated thoughts, we would be dancing at 2 am in our little house together. If there was a parallel universe, our souls would be the only things colliding into each other. We wouldn’t have to parade around and let the world know or shower each other with roses. We would only be in each other’s’ thoughts and that would be enough for us to believe. No fight would be strong enough to break us apart. No differences would be enough to make either of us feel left out. No silence between us would make us feel empty or hollow. No falling flower would make us feel like time is running out. No darkness would make us feel devoid of light. For, we’d be each other’s sunlight seeping through the soft cracks of the leaves that would form in the sky. No winter would be cold enough. Your hand, even though it is slightly bigger than mine, it would fit. Your eye colour is blue and mine is brown and somehow those two colours don’t go together but when we would look into each other’s eyes, they’d complement each other under the shimmering sunlight. No secret would be big enough to hide from each other, because faith would be the only powerful thing in this world. In this world, our hearts would be the only things racing fast while time outside with the wind would slow down and become soft, only so that we could savour every given moment with other.
Of everything I know about the existence of multiverses and the cosmos, if there was a parallel universe somewhere out there, a reality where there would be nothing holding us back from each other, where everything was pure and safe and sweet- I’d love you just the same.
I remembered mother’s words “Life is not a bed of roses.”
A quote she had said
But in bliss I found myself, shimmering golden on my bed.
Someone once asked me “What makes you happy? What do you live for?” I said “I live for the littlest things; they are the ones that make me happy. Like the rising sun and the falling rain, when people smile after they fight off their pain.”
People often ask me, how I knew that I was in love. Even though you never held my hand or caressed my neck nor whisper honeyed words into my ears.
I still knew.
I still knew that it was you.
I told them that it was the littlest things that would suffice. When you would walk into the room and you would smile at your friends and then look around to catch my eye and warmth would emanate through the dust particles between us, only to make everything more pure. The way the sound of your laugh was more than just a laugh and a sweet melody like Mozart to my ears. How your smile was my secret hiding place on days when I felt the weight of my own thoughts on my shoulders. How our little conversations were the music that put me to sleep and how they were the first remembrances in my mind at 7 AM when I woke. That’s when I contemplated as to why people phrase it “falling in love” because you were a manifestation that I rose to every single day. But that part comes later, because only if I knew. Only if I had payed enough attention to the red traffic signal instead of getting consumed in the joys of the green one. If only I would have shut the windows a bit tighter to prevent the rain from seeping through, onto my wooden floors, turning them a darker shade. If only I would have blown out the candle a bit earlier.
But those few moments with you were bountiful and full of life- endless exuberant sunlit days of a young girl, of a one-sided kind of love. The rush of adrenaline by just thinking of you. The unforced and natural smile on my face and the irregular thudding of my heart against my cage. If it wasn’t for all these, then would true love be? I used to think that maybe one day, I would wake up and see your face next to mine, how your caramel hair tousled callously around your temples. How I would know how you like your coffee on Sunday mornings and how we would bicker about the most foolish things, only to come apologizing on each other’s doors in the evening. Ever wondered if “maybes” just remain “maybes” or turn out to be “never”?
I was unsure as to what possibly went wrong. What shift had taken place in the cosmos, where was the faultline under my earth, that I had to reassemble myself from the doom of unrequited love. And that’s when I realized why they call it “falling in love”. It’s a sudden dive into the depths of the oceans where nothing but your feelings and affection matter. Everything else becomes unimportant and secondary. You lose grasp of your own belongings and your own-self whilst in search of the rare pearl.
And how foolish was I and still am to let those memories of you make my bones warm on a winter’s day.
All your faces, mere illusions Mask beneath masks, the farther I went The more I speculated reality- the weight of it Or mayhaps the burden On my frail outlines, I tried to hold Only to crumble down on me The closer I became to you More distant I felt and stranger I grew Every moment I spent When our eyes met, smiles synced, secrets lent Your proximity felt imaginary It could be, I share too much and trust Too much and you- adept in the art of camouflage And fooling me But Oh, beware, as I observe and just as cunning To reach your core, when you lay bare With your truth, facing right back At you.